Single Married Widowed Divorced

"Rules of Engagement"

“Rules of Engagement” Has Something for Everyone
CBS, Mondays, 9:30/8:30 p.m.

By Kari Anderson

In case you haven’t yet seen CBS’s new comedy, “Rules of Engagement,” let me bring you up to speed. There are five main characters: a married couple, a newly engaged couple, and a love-’em-and-leave-’em bachelor, played by David Spade.

Adam (Oliver Hudson), the engaged man, gets glimpses of the realities of married life from his friend, Jeff (Patrick Warburton), while Russell (David Spade) enjoys reminding him of the pleasures and independence that single life offers. Despite the warnings, Adam is in love with his fiancé (Bianca Kajlich) enough to remain unmoved by the things his married friend and bachelor buddy tell him.

The commentary on married life is pretty dead-on. Bachelor décor is gradually transplanted from the living room to the den (before moving on to the closet, basement and trash can). The quantity and, let’s face it, the quality of married sex really does decline over time. Husbands and wives have a knack for remembering minute details, but never about the same subjects, and men will never appreciate the cost of cosmetics.

While some of these issues could come across as cliché, the spin that the writers give the material and the delivery with which the actors pull it off makes it seem fresh. The real show stealer is Jeff, played by Patrick Warburton, who also starred as David Putty on “Seinfeld.” Warburton uses the same voice inflections for Jeff as he did as Putty, but his timing is so flawless that he’s a pleasure to watch, and the similarities are quickly forgiven.

As with most pilots, the actors in this first episode don’t seem to be completely at ease with each other yet, but this reviewer is willing to tune in again to see if that changes. With the comedic panache of Spade and Warburton, and the universally appealing subject matter, the show is likely to be a hit. And honestly, with so many sitcoms that showcase a hot wife/fat husband combo, it’s refreshing to watch a show in which the men are sexier than their partners. Finally, we have eye candy for women.

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Widows in Cinema: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

By Karen Dredge

My great aunt lost her first husband in WWII. He had been her childhood friend; they had attended the same university together, and when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor in December of 1941, they quickly married and my great uncle enlisted in the Navy. He became a flying ace in the Pacific theater and was killed in a dogfight over the Midway. I never knew him. My mother, who grew up with my great aunt, worshipped this dead uncle and would tell stories of herself riding around in his ‘36 Ford amongst the orange groves of Piru and Fillmore, California. Uncle Buddy, as we all called him, was a living member of our collective memory to the extent that I began to feel that I knew him too.

My great aunt though is a survivor and my hero. She went on to make a life for herself. After the war, she returned to school, became a university professor and then in the early 1960s she met and married Uncle Buttercup Head. Here was a tall blond laughing handsome Scandinavian man who convinced me that he was from another planet and that while looking out his spaceship’s window he fell to Earth. He would strap me into his ’62 Karmann Ghia and race up and down the streets of my neighborhood. He would place bets for me on horses I would pick from his racing form. He was the perfect literary uncle. Later well into his 80s, his tennis backhand return still had such a wicked spin that he made men half his age work really hard at hitting it back. But more than that he adored my great aunt. When he became ill with Alzheimer’s disease, I think his final gift to my great aunt was that he still recognized her even at the very end of his life.

My great aunt was lucky enough to find love twice. For some, it is hard enough to find it the first time around. So today in honor of my great aunt Dorothy Connors Wileman Danielson, I want to introduce some movies where other widows are lucky enough to find love a second time around.

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947)Rex Harrison plays a sea captain long dead who is not happy when a widow, played by Gene Tierney, buys his home. (Filmed on the Cliffs of Palos Verdes, California.) So once she gets over the idea that he is a ghost and he sees that she is quite a looker, they settle down to an unlikely, no-touching kind of romance (think of this as the 19th century equivalent of an email romance). But since he is a ghost, she begins to look for a corporeal body that will provide some “physical” companionship. And find it she does in the arms of George Sanders. It is a movie rule that since all 19th century sea captains have been around the world a couple of times, they are all pretty good judges of character. Sadly the captain exposes her suitor as the real cad that he is and Miss Tierney does a Sophie’s Choice thing. If you watch this, I dare you to watch it
without a tissue.

Moonstruck (1987) When Cher won the Oscar for best actress for her
portrayal as the widow, Loretta, she thanked her hairdresser. Loretta lives in the Italian section of Brooklyn with her parents, works in a funeral parlor and dates Johnny Cammareri, played by Danny Aiello. He proposes to Loretta, and then as a request, since he must fly to Italy to see his dying mother, he asks her to find his brother, Ronnie- a one-handed bake played by Nicholas Cage, and to ask him to come to their wedding. Oh, she finds him all right: they argue, they kiss, they fall in love and argue some more. So if you are thinking that this is supposed to be a realistic portrayal of Italian Americans living in New York, fuggadboud it.

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994) This is a poignant and wonderful tale about three Australian drag queens who leave Sidney, Australia in a bus, christened Priscilla, and drive it thousands of miles through the outback of Australia to play a drag show in Alice Springs. Terrence Stamp plays Bernadette the aging transsexual widow whose is left alone and lonely when her much younger husband, Trumpet, succumbs to asphyxiation while peroxiding his hair. With nothing to do, she agrees to join her friend, the sensitive Mitzi, played by Hugo Weaving of Matrix fame, on this trip. To round out the show, Mitzi asks Felicia, played by Guy Pearce, to join them. Bernadette does find love the second time around. The costumes are fantastic and the scenes of Australia are stunning.

Mrs. Brown (1997) Queen Victoria, played by Judi Densch, is the widow of all widows. Queen Victoria wrote the manual on bereavement for the Victorian age. It is four years since she has lost her beloved Albert, she is still inconsolable and the British Empire is teetering. Enter Mr. Brown, Scotsman and servant, played by Billy Connolly. Through his tough love approach (think of Taming of the Shrew plotting), he is the only person who seems to be able to tell her the truth about herself and her country. His love for Victoria, whether it was platonic or not, no one knows, helps her begin to reclaim her position and her balance as a woman and a monarch.

Truly, Madly, Deeply (1990) I love this film. If you can get past the wrenching first scene without crying, then you are not human. When the white credits begin to slide across the black background, the accompanying soundtrack is a keening voice, almost not human, so deep in its depth of despair. A woman’s voice chokes and gulps on her words, and then her words give way to incoherent sobs. And then the visual opens on this woman’s face. Snot running down her lip, red swollen eyes, her grief is real, hopeless and without solace. Stay with it, there is a payoff. Juliet Stephenson plays the woman who is grieving the loss her lover. Yet somehow because her grief is so deep and strong, it summons the lover’s ghost, played by Alan Rickman, back to her, and he brings friends. This movie is about the depth of bereavement, and how the serendipitous nature of life can breach that chasm, and allow people not to forget, but remind them to live.

Good night and good movies. - KD

Karen Dredge grew up in Hollywood and spent Sundays not in church, but perusing her own Gospel: the "Los Angeles Times" Sunday TV Guide. Through this, she would plan her coming sick days accordingly. Clark Gable and Jeannette McDonald in "San Francisco" on Tuesday at 9 a.m. on Channel 9. Stomachache in the morning. "Dark Victory" on Friday at 2 p.m. on Channel 11. Headache at lunchtime. Plenty of time for mom to get the call, pick Karen up and run her back home so she could stretch out on the couch in the darkened den and watch Bette Davis die from her own headache.

Killing Him Softly

by Karen Dredge

When the rage strikes as it does in all marriages... when your husband, for the nth time, leaves the toilet seat up, or maintains that doing the dishes is only limited to dishes, no pots and pans... or when arguing is just not an option because you have heard the same script over and over again and you feel murder may be the only just way to dispatch him to the next plain of existence...do the crime in a virtual space—in front of your TV.

Watch as others kill their husbands. As the ad makers say: “It is the next best thing to being there.”

This selection of movies may help you live your rage vicariously and may give you the time to sit back reflect and realize that crime may or not pay.

Enough (2002) Jennifer Lopez plays a waitress who attracts the attention of Mr. Right, played by Billy Campbell, who as we learn is so so wrong. They marry and soon it is revealed that he is a menacing abusive husband who makes OJ Simpson look like the poster boy for Father’s Day. After one too many thumps on the face, she escapes. With abusers, ladies, one can never leave. What we see is a pretty clever revenge movie.

The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946) with Lana Turner and John Garfield (yes please) and remade again (1981) with a David Mamet script starring Jessica Lange and Jack Nicholson. This is James M. Cain’s story about an unhappily married woman who meets a drifter, they get physical, and together they plot her husband’s death. This is not the case of dumb and dumber but suffice it to say, they don’t get away with it. I prefer the 1946 version with John Garfield. The 1981 version has the famous sex scene in the kitchen. If you get that one on DVD watch it in slo-mo. You will never look at your kitchen table the same way again.

Double Indemnity (1944) based on another James M. Cain book. Evidently Mr. Cain liked his women bad, and liked them to be punished. No matter. Barbara Stanwyck is one of the best actresses in Hollywood and I think in this movie, she gives the performance of her life. It is the best example of film noir. She plays a woman who meets and seduces the insurance salesman who handles her husband’s policy. Barbara ups her husband’s life insurance and then she and the insurance man kill the husband. Alas. It is Shakespearean in how both characters ultimately meet their downfall.

Double Jeopardy (1999) Ashley Judd stars as the wife. Her husband, Mr. Perfect, engineers his “murder” and the blame falls on his wife. She does the time in prison and while there in the grey barred motel, she finds that whoops, he's not dead afterall. Through the wisdom of the black bad women inmates (a nice Greek chorus, by the way) she now can kill him for real. Supposedly she can’t be tried for the same crime. But technically that is not true. But hey this is Hollywood. THIS IS A MOVIE. Not a documentary. She gets out and begins her pursuit. Tommy Lee Jones plays a cop who helps her. It is sort of an “ I call no way” film, but think about this husband (played by Bruce Greenwood) who did this all so he could keep his money, his honey and not have to share custody of their daughter. Hmm. He deserves everything he gets.

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Adam’s Rib (1950) Something a little lighter. My sixteen-year-old daughter suggested this one. Spencer Tracy and Kathryn Hepburn star as married attorneys who do battle in the courtroom and in the bedroom. He is a prosecutor and she is a defense attorney. She defends a married woman, played brilliantly by Judy Holiday, who had attempted to murder her two-timing husband. Tracy, of course, is the prosecuting attorney on the case. Hepburn is pitch perfect in the courtroom. The dialogue snaps and it is nice to see a woman planting her feet and successfully verbally sparing all comers.

An unwritten law stands back of a man who fights to defend his home. Apply this same law to this maltreated wife and neglected woman. We ask you no more - Equality!

Consider this unfortunate woman's act as though you yourselves had each committed it. Every living being is capable of attack if sufficiently provoked. Assault lies dormant within us all. It requires only circumstance to set it in violent motion. I ask you for a verdict of not guilty. There was no murder attempt here - only a pathetic attempt to save a home.

The married team Ruth Gordon and Garson Kanin wrote the script and George Cukor adeptly directs it.

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Perhaps when your husband comes home, and sees this pile of rentals on the table, you may not have to say a word…Confucius had it right. Pictures do paint a thousand words.

Good Night and Good Movies.

Music Review: Loretta Lynn

Loretta Lynn’s Still Got It
A Review of Van Lear Rose
by Kari Anderson

What do you get when you cross a country icon with an up-and-coming, alternative-rock star? Loretta Lynn’s Van Lear Rose album, produced by Jack White, of White Stripes fame and currently the lead of the Raconteurs. White performs a duet with Lynn entitled “Portland Oregon,” a Grammy-garnering hit single, and while the lyrics on this tune are pretty short and simple, the guitar solo and funky beat make up for it for what it lacks in words. White gives a rock flavor to Loretta Lynn’s songs, and his imprint is evident on just about every number, but don’t worry – this is a Loretta Lynn CD, so there is still some country twang left on the tracks.

So what does this have to do with marital status? First of all, Loretta Lynn has always been at the cutting edge in her ability to convey women’s real stories from a variety of angles. A look back at her hits reveals “Rated X,” a song that dealt with the stigma of divorce; “The Pill,” a track that told about a woman who felt more inclined to have sex once she didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant; and “You Ain’t Woman Enough,” about her hanging onto her straying husband.

With Van Lear Rose, Lynn goes beyond the issues of single, married and divorced women to discuss widowhood. “Miss Being Mrs.” conveys a sense of mourning. “I took off my wedding band and put it on my right hand. Oh I miss being Mrs. tonight.” While this subject matter could become morbid – or worse, sappy – she’s honest about admitting that not all of her marriage was rosy. The line, “Like so many other hearts, mine wanted to be free,” encapsulates the duality that is often felt when a partner dies; you miss them, but you realize that it wasn’t always perfect.

When the CD first came out, Lynn gave an interview in which she said that the album sounded like it was written by a lonely person. Lynn penned all the songs on the album herself, and she wrote a number of reflective pieces, in addition to “Miss Being Mrs.” The title track, “Van Lear Rose,” is the story of her parents meeting; “Little Red Shoes” is a spoken piece about a pair of shoes she got when she was a sick child (and let me just say that hearing Loretta speak in this track, and a few others, is a treat). The final song, “The Story of My Life,” is like a Cliff-notes version of “Coalminer’s Daughter.” Some of her lyrics lack depth; for example, she says: “Here’s the story of my life, listen and I’ll tell it twice,” except she only tells the story once, and I was left thinking, “Did she mean I should hit track 14 again?”

The song “This Old House” talks about the memories that continue to haunt her home after her children and husband are gone. Jack White can be heard singing backup on this track, and it’s kind of funny that the song is so obviously not in his range because he keeps jumping between octaves. The difference in quality between their voices makes it easy to distinguish them when they sing together, and the fact that their timing is slightly off gives the song an earthy feel. I thought it was fun to listen for his influence throughout the CD, sort of a Where’s Waldo of country music.

As any good Loretta Lynn album should, this one includes several numbers about no-good two-timin’ husbands. “Family Tree” paints a poignant picture of a poor woman with toddlers in tow who goes to see her estranged husband and speaks with the “trashy” woman he’s taken up with. “Mrs. Leroy Brown” is a hard-driving song about a woman who takes her husband’s cash and drives over his girlfriend with the limo she rented. It’s curious that in the three songs about cheating husbands, two blame the other woman rather than the man, and in the other, “Have Mercy,” she begs her husband to come back to her. It seems somewhat autobiographical in that Loretta Lynn always stuck by her husband, “Doolittle” Lynn, even though he was known for cheating on her.

Loretta Lynn’s still got it, as Van Lear Rose proves. This album definitely does not sound like it was made by a septuagenarian. The rock beats, the guitar solos, the timeless themes, and that clear Kentucky voice all add up to a great, modern, rock-flavored, country CD. I recommend it – no matter what your marital status.

By day, Kari Anderson works as associate editor for a publishing company in upstate New York. By night, she writes SMWD's arts and entertainment reviews. When she realized her first marriage was heading south, Kari got her poop in a group and finished up her bachelor's degree in communication from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, circa Y2K. After nine years of staying home with her two sons, she re-entered the workforce in 2001, delighted to have a job with a paycheck and formal hours. She has since remarried and now has a baby daughter with hubby #2. In her rapidly depleting free time, Kari plays the harp and piano, and is attempting to learn the banjo. Really.