Do you have a story in which your marital status plays a starring or supporting role? Single Married Widowed Divorced welcomes your submissions.
We post essays, opinion, humor, poetry and reviews (music, film, literature, theater).
To join us around our proverbial dining room table in a Milwaukee bungalow, send your story in an email to: info@singlemarriedwidoweddivorced.com. We won’t open attachments.
From “Smooching Through History,” Chicago Tribune, by Carolyn B. Alfvin
• Nearly 40 percent of couples make out when they make up.
• About 90 percent of couples kiss in the car.
• 97 percent of women and 30 percent of men close their eyes when they lock lips.
• The average length of a passionate smooch is one minute.
• Your kissing partner’s saliva may remain in your mouth for three days.
• About 25 percent of us always like our partners’ kissing techniques, 25 percent rarely like it, and half of us say it’s OK.
• Kissing signals our brains to douse our systems with oxytocin, a hormone that paints our insides with that good-all-over feeling.
• Prevention of tooth decay has been linked to kissing. According to the Academy of General Dentistry, puckering up stimulates saliva. This, in turn, bathes your pearly whites with the calcium and phosphoruus they need to build strong enamel.
• Kissing uses 16 pairs of muscles.
• Biology causes one passionate kiss to beget another. When kissing, the insides of our mouths and edges of our lips produce a chemical whose job it is to shout, “More! More!”
• A 1997 study out of Princeton University concluded that our brains are equipped with neurons that help us find our lovers’ lips in the dark.
ON THE PODCAST: Listen in to this week's Single Married Widowed Divorced podcast, “The Vagina Diologues.” From the homepage, click on "PODCAST."
Kit Behling, Mel Miskimen and Carolyn Alfvin -- the gals at Single Married Widowed Divorced -- wish you peace in the New Year.
We're on vacation until next week.
We're always looking for guest bloggers, so please drop us a line this year and tell us your story.
Two Midwest men tied for our recent Win-A-Mug contest (by passing on our website to the most people). Single Married Widowed Divorced spoke with the lucky winners about preferred personal tragedies, Lucinda Williams, explosives and more. (Oddly, when asked to submit photos, both men submitted images of something other than themselves.)
WINNER ALEX VAGELATOS
(Represented by Eddie, left, who says “All my friends visit singlemarriedwidoweddivorced.com every day. And that's not easy without thumbs! - Eddie, Fort Wayne, Indiana)
SMWD: Congratulations, Alex. You’re one of two very lucky winners in our contest. Which means you’ll get a mug with our logo on it.
AV: If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.
SMWD: We’re going to ask you some questions, let our readers learn a bit about you. Ready?
AV: I have a choice?
SMWD: Something tragic has happened in your life. Would you rather it was:
A. you got divorced
B. you became a widower
C. your parole officer spilled black coffee on your new chinos
D. you got lost on a camping trip and were adopted by beautiful but angry female otters
AV: I was locked overnight in a French bakery.
SMWD: Was that one of the choices?
AV: No, but I liked it better.
SMWD: Cats or dogs?
AV: Dogs
SMWD: What's one of your favorite books, or movies, and why?
AV: The Godfather, Part 2. It explains everything about everything there is to know.
SMWD: What, exactly, does it explain?
AV: Politics, interpersonal relationships, sex, power, money, greed and good
Italian cooking.
SMWD: Caf or decaf?
AV: Caf. To quote David Letterman, "If it weren't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all."
SMWD: What other blogs do you read?
AV: Pinstripe Alley - N. Y. Yankees blog. Wonkette - snarky D.C. political blog.
SMWD: Lead singer or back-up?
AV: Lead singer/guitar player in a Chicago electric blues band.
SMWD: Do you listen to our podcast?
AV: Mainly when I'm on it.
SMWD: Name one thing that we could do that would improve our blog.
AV: Make him better behaved. Oh, I thought you said dog. The blog is fine.
SMWD: Who would you rather have accompany you on a cross country road trip:
Lucinda Williams or Maureen Dowd?
AV: Maureen Dowd, because she could learn to sing.
SMWD: Describe one of the following: your dream job, your dream dinner,
something you'd love to blow up.
AV: A shot of ouzo.
Feta cheese and Greek olives with warm, crusty bread.
Egg-and-lemon soup (avgolemeno), heavy on the lemeno.
Roasted leg of lamb with garlic and oregano.
Roasted potatoes with lemon juice and butter.
Greek salad, with more feta and olives, olive oil/vinegar/oregano/basil dressing.
Fresh green beans lightly simmered in tomato sauce.
A bottle of chilled Greek wine.
Various Greek pastries and cookies.
Turkish coffee.
"And thou beside me singing in the wilderness."
SMWD: Uhh, how will you keep your wine cool in the wilderness?
AV: A cooler plugged into a gas generator?
SMWD: Is there anything you'd like to say to SMWD readers?
AV: Send the girls money.
WINNER BILL HORSTMAN
(represented by his Wisconsin cabin and corn crib)
SMWD: Congratulations, Bill! You’re one of two winners to our win-a-mug contest.
BH: I WON! I WON! I WON! First, I'd like to thank my parents without whom I would not have been born (probably) and been here to receive this great honor. Second, I'd like to thank everyone else. And third, ... um ... I guess ... there is no third.
SMWD: OK, Bill, we want you to pretend that something tragic has happened in your life. Would you rather it was:
A. you got divorced
B. you became a widower
C. your parole officer spilled black coffee on your new chinos
D. you got lost on a camping trip and were adopted by beautiful but angry female otters?
BH: Divorce. Because I know I can survive it and recover. Having a spouse die (unless it was someone I wanted to divorce) is a very bad thought - on the order of (but not quite as bad as) the idea of having one of your children die. Having a parole officer implies that I would have been in prison, also a bad thought - on the order of (but not quite as bad as) having George W. Bush as my president. Otters? Boy, I've had some really bad experiences with otters. And the pretty ones are the worst -- on the order of (but not quite as bad as) pretty manatees. So, divorce it is.
SMWD: Cats or dogs?
BH: Dogs because they're more predictable than cats and they have sweet, dopey smiles.
SMWD: What's one of your favorite books, or movies, and why?
BH: The movie "High Fidelity." Standout acting performances (Jack Black is much better in smaller doses); sharply funny and insightful about men's fantasy vs. real lives; and John Cusack's girlfriend is absolutely gorgeous. (See what I mean?)
SMWD: Caf or decaf?
BH: Caf, because the flavor of coffee without the jolt isn't enough to make it worth choosing over another drink.
SMWD: What other blogs do you read?
BH: None.
SMWD: Lead singer or back-up?
BH: My sympathies are with the back-up singers because they are at the mercy of the lead singer. I saw Gladys Knight three years ago and she only has one brother alive -- one "Pip." If she dies before the last of the Pips, he's screwed.
SMWD: Have you listened to our podcast?
BH: A few times -- maybe three.
SMWD: Why so few?
BH: I don't know. I don't listen to any other podcasts. I'm just not habituated to do this. So, three times is a lot for me.
SMWD: Name one thing that we could do that would improve our blog.
BH: As a prize, offer a coffee mug with fresh coffee in it.
SMWD: Who would you rather have accompany you on a cross country road trip: Lucinda Williams or Maureen Dowd?
BH: Probably Maureen Dowd. She'd be more interesting to talk with while we listened to Lucinda Williams on the car CD player. "Big red sun, big red sun blues...."
SMWD: Describe one of the following: your dream job, your dream dinner, something you'd love to blow up.
BH: Oh man, blowing anything up would be so great! Another major male fantasy. Not to hurt anyone or cause someone to lose money. Just something huge, and complex that I could reduce to dust with a gigantic explosion -- like a mothballed WWII aircraft carrier or a Las Vegas casino. Hey, thanks for asking.
SMWD: Is there anything you'd like to say to SMWD readers?
BH: Hi.
You could win this Single Married Widowed Divorced Mug by simply passing on this website to your friends and family.
Email the website to others and copy us at info@singlemarriedwidoweddivorced.com.
Rack up more points when you ask your friends and family to forward your email, and cc you. Send us that cc with your name in the subject bar.
Addresses will not be used for any purpose.
The reader who reaches the most people wins the mug below! Plus, only if you like, we'll interview you and write up your story on our blog.
Contest ends December 1.
